There are so many conclusions people come to about what caring for someone looks like.  But do we ever ask ourselves how many different ways are there to care for and  look after someone who is in a difficult situation without it becoming a burden?  

One possibility would be to stop judging ourselves.  To stop going into the conclusions about how it is going to be and to start asking questions:  “Is it going to be fun?  How else can I do this?  Who else can assist me here?”  

Get clear on what is easy for you.  What if you don’t have to be a martyr?  Or a saviour?  Just because most people on this planet have the idea caring has to be really hard and difficult doesn’t mean it’s true.  

One thing that stops people from choosing ease is if you’re seen to be doing it really easily, there’s actually a lot of judgement attached to that.  People make it wrong for it to be easy for you!  We live in a strange strange world!

Being in allowance...
When my mother was living with me while she was dying and I was still having fun in my life, people thought I was pretending to be happy, pretending to be okay with it all.

A lot of my family were calling me and saying;  “We know that it must be very difficult for you at this time.” There were so many projections in there!  I came to realise that it was easier to just agree with them verbally as they would not get where I was coming from.

And this is something to be aware of if you are going to do things different to most people.  Only say to people what they can hear.  Because I could have tried to prove how different I was and what could be possible, but I didn’t, because I knew they couldn’t hear it.  

If you are choosing something different, get a sense of what you need to be or do that allows people to choose what they are choosing and for you to choose what you are choosing.  You need to be in allowance of your choices and the choices of other people - so this means don’t resist or react to their points of view.  And don’t align and agree with them either - just sit in the space of ‘this is an interesting point of view.’  

And don’t be hard on yourself if it takes some practice.  Being in allowance is a muscle that you build.  Few of us have finely developed allowance muscles when we start this journey!

How do you know what people can hear?
Be willing to listen to what they are saying and then asking the question energetically.  “Are they willing to receive this?”  If it feels light and expansive say it - if not - talk about something else or just say “Yeah.” And you can still keep on being happy.  Just because they can’t hear it doesn’t mean that you should stop being you!

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Are you checking out of your life? 
What if you could stop judging yourself? 
Are you grateful for you today? 

If you liked this show, you can follow moving beyond grief.

What if you could see grief from the space of allowance and gratitude?  If you have gratitude, not only just for now, but for everything that you’ve ever chosen, done or been.  When you have gratitude, there’s no room for judgement.

When any judgement exists, it’s destroying.  So if you make that demand that you will have gratitude instead of judgement, it will change your experience of grief.  Every time you go to judgement of yourself, look at that and ask:  “What could I be grateful for here?  Or:  What’s right about me here I’m not getting?”

When you have an awareness of this, the judgement can disappear because there is no right or wrong.  There’s no such thing as a wrong choice.  What if every choice is a contribution?  So what if you just be with yourself during those times of sadness.  Have those tears.  And have allowance for you.

It’s the energy of having ease with what was, and what will be now.  What if you could have those times of sadness and tears, but still be willing to be present with yourself and be in the question?

It’s not that you’re not going to have tears if you are missing someone - you need to be willing to allow yourself to have tears. And what if you don’t stay in that space all the time. Sadness can be part of your life, but it’s not your entire life, unless you allow it to be.  

A friend’s grandmother is 93.  Her grandfather died about 42 years ago, and her grandmother still talks about him like it was yesterday. He died when she was in her late 40s.  She has not lived her life and all of this time later, she still living in the space of what he would think.  

How many people are in relationship and they live so much in each other’s world, that they actually don’t know who they be?  So when someone dies, moves away, or there’s a divorce or whatever, you need to ask:  “Well, what’s going on?  Who am I?” if you’d like to get out of the loop.  And if you don’t want to let go of what was, you especially need to ask this question!!

Many people think that if they actually let go of the relationship, they haven’t got anything left. Your point of view creates your reality.  What if you could change your point of view of what grief is?  

What if you didn’t have to choose a reality of grief after loss or death?  I remember when a close friend died and I was there with her at the end, and then I left and I was so inspired.  “She’s chosen to go.  That’s cool.  But do you know what?  I’ve got living to do, and I’m living it.”  It was a totally different energy.  There were no tears when she left, even though there were tears along the way. 

What if someone choosing to die can be the inspiration for you to truly live? And what if we didn’t actually have to have something occur in our lives to get that?  What if we could be willing to live every day and just enjoy it?

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