What if it is ok to grieve and there is no right or wrong way to grieve! 
What if you could be willing to start being in allowance of you !
I would love to invite you to a conversation I had with Alison Wright.  Alison is a great invitation to what else?...and is  presently going through some grief with her daughter and Dad. She is willing to talk and contribute to others what has changed for her and how it has become easier to be free to grieve.

A lot of people get lost in the whole energy of the emotion, of the sadness, of the grief, of the trauma of whatever is going on, and then the person close to them also gets lost in the situation.

I remember when my husband was going down that track after his heart attack.  I really saw that I was fighting for his life.  I was actually fighting for his life and living.  And it was a real demand that I would not go down that rabbit hole with him.

The demand for me was, no matter what was going on, I was going to be me.  I was going to be me and I was going to be courageous enough to choose that I would not sympathise with him.  Not empathise with him.  Not go into:  “Oh poor victim that he is.”  I had to have the courage to not going into any of those places and spaces.

He was getting sicker because of all the projections people were giving him:  “You are going to be depressed.  You’re going to have these symptoms”.  It is common for medical people to put the person through their educational structures, without asking what is actually going on during the recovery phase. 

For example, he had a heart attack, so it was;  “Now you go onto all these different medications, then you have to follow up in the medical system, and you have to go through the rehabilitation system...”  And part of their education is: “Well, this could happen.  And that could happen.” And they educate you into more illness, unless you are willing to have it all be an interesting point of view and make the demand that you be you.

How?  By being totally present with who you be, and knowing that you are this amazing person,  that you are not the illness, that you are a person who knows about joy, who doesn’t have limitation, who doesn’t come from scarcity and it’s the demand of staying with that energy, rather than caving into the expectations of what happens when you are ill or dying. And then, if you are willing to see the medical people without judgement you will be able to go;  “This is how they are functioning.  I have a choice.”

Your choice comes from asking questions.  What if you go beyond the status quo?  Beyond the rules or the set of conclusions around ‘it has to be this way’?  If you go beyond answers and start to ask questions, you can create a different possibility.   

Most people are happy with answers, what if questions could create a whole lot more?  What if everything that is going on for you and those close to you could be just an interesting point of view?

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What if grief isn’t real? 


This is a very different point of view about grief, and yet, this idea offers one way out of being stuck in the solidity, the intensity and density of the thoughts, feelings and emotions we buy as real.

Our thoughts, feelings and emotions are not real.  How many thoughts, feelings and emotions have we bought as ours?  How aware are we?  And how much of a psychic sponge are we that we pick up everyone’s thoughts, feeling and emotions and buy it as ours?  

So what if that grief, that emotion that you are having around grief is actually not even yours?  And what if you are just actually picking it up from everybody all around you, where they have picked it up from everybody all around them and bought it.   You know that place we go to of “I’m doing it because this is what everyone else is doing. If everyone else is doing it, it must be real.”

This has gone on for centuries.  And what if now is the time to change our points of view about what grief truly is?  So if grief is not real, what do you do with that emotion or feeling that seems like grief?

What most people do with it, is they make it really significant and it feels very heavy.  If something is really light for you, it’s true, and if something is heavy, then it’s not true for you. So take the energy of grief that you have right now - is it light or heavy?

We’ve bought the idea if we have a feeling or an emotion and its heavy; “Well, oh my goodness, right, there’s that feeling and there’s that emotion and it’s really destroying me and it must be real.”  

I know that it is possible to actually move past that.   I know it is possible that you can  have separations or you can have someone die, or you can have an animal die or you can lose your job or you can lose your money and if you actually don’t go into the significance and heaviness of it, and it’s just like;  “Wow!  What else is possible here?” then you can move beyond the grief.

Asking questions is a great way to shift the energy of grief.  When you ask:  “Who does all this belong to?”  and return to sender everything that is not yours, you may notice the energy around your situation getting lighter.

Or you can ask:  “Is this light for me?” Because if it’s light, it’s true for you.  If the grief or a situation is really heavy and it’s impacting on your body with aches and pains ask: “Is this really how it’s supposed to be?”  You could just go;  “Is this light?  No.  Who does this belong to?”   Or “What else could I choose here?”   

Or if you are going down the rabbit hole into sadness and depression, go talk to someone.  Ask the question – Who could I talk to?  Who could I speak to who could assist me to get me out of this?

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Grief has been defined as ‘Pain of mind, in account of something in the past.’  How many of us are actually grieving without even realizing it ?

How much is part or all of us being pulled back into the past (whether that is yesterday or last year), by traumatic events, loss of someone or something, unfinished relationships, resentments, regrets, romantic illusions and nostalgia, all clogging up and fogging our ability to be living here and now?

How often do we feel like a part of us has disappeared in those memories? Or do we hold onto those memories because we are afraid if we let go of them we may forget and then feel guilty about it? Is any of this being a kindness to us?

A lot of people suffer from grief because they make a lot of assumptions about grief and what they should or shouldn’t do.  What if grief is just energy? Could that be a gift of lightness and ease?  How much of your true self are you suppressing to stay in those thoughts, feelings and emotions of grief so that you can maintain the heaviness and significance that everyone expects of you? What if you could see grief from a space of allowance, question and possibility?

How many conclusions have we made about what grief is?  What choices and decisions have we made with grief?  Are the ideas below familiar to you?

“Don’t let anyone in... have the shields up… bury yourself... check out and exit your life... fight with everyone around you as that is the only way you can get ahead!  Be absolutely crushed by it - there is no other choice! Believe that something is really wrong with you… try to make  something right when it is wrong… ‘This keeps happening - is there something I am doing wrong?’”  

Are these all the ways that we keep pulling ourselves back into choosing grief and the past? Is any of this actually being kind and nurturing to you, or is it about gathering more evidence to keep you in the wrongness of you from everyone’s point of view (including yours!)?

What questions could you be asking that could allow for more possibilities for you? We live in a society that is involved in relationships of all kinds all the time. The one relationship we seem to have missed is our relationship with our inner being. What could be possible if we start being kind to us?

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