Are you ever kind to you? What is it that you have defined kindness is? Are you kind to everyone else first before yourself? What could you change if you were willing to put you first?

Listen to my regular blog talk radio show... this episode is all about being kind to you.

Grief has been defined as ‘Pain of mind, in account of something in the past.’  How many of us are actually grieving without even realizing it ?

How much is part or all of us being pulled back into the past (whether that is yesterday or last year), by traumatic events, loss of someone or something, unfinished relationships, resentments, regrets, romantic illusions and nostalgia, all clogging up and fogging our ability to be living here and now?

How often do we feel like a part of us has disappeared in those memories? Or do we hold onto those memories because we are afraid if we let go of them we may forget and then feel guilty about it? Is any of this being a kindness to us?

A lot of people suffer from grief because they make a lot of assumptions about grief and what they should or shouldn’t do.  What if grief is just energy? Could that be a gift of lightness and ease?  How much of your true self are you suppressing to stay in those thoughts, feelings and emotions of grief so that you can maintain the heaviness and significance that everyone expects of you? What if you could see grief from a space of allowance, question and possibility?

How many conclusions have we made about what grief is?  What choices and decisions have we made with grief?  Are the ideas below familiar to you?

“Don’t let anyone in... have the shields up… bury yourself... check out and exit your life... fight with everyone around you as that is the only way you can get ahead!  Be absolutely crushed by it - there is no other choice! Believe that something is really wrong with you… try to make  something right when it is wrong… ‘This keeps happening - is there something I am doing wrong?’”  

Are these all the ways that we keep pulling ourselves back into choosing grief and the past? Is any of this actually being kind and nurturing to you, or is it about gathering more evidence to keep you in the wrongness of you from everyone’s point of view (including yours!)?

What questions could you be asking that could allow for more possibilities for you? We live in a society that is involved in relationships of all kinds all the time. The one relationship we seem to have missed is our relationship with our inner being. What could be possible if we start being kind to us?

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When I first started this journey, everything that was hard, struggle and difficulty in trying to work it all out was more real to me than the ease.  I was mistaking that density and intensity for reality.

We are cute. We make things ‘more’ real if they feel dense.  Just because it’s intense or dense does not make it real.  In fact it’s the opposite.  This is a case of “Everything is the opposite of what it appears to be.”  The ease is in the space, not the intensity.

So how do you have more ease?  You ask!  “If I was living my life with so much more ease what could that look like?”  

Most people don’t have a reference point for ease.  What if ease is a space of no judgement?  Which is rare in situations where someone has died.  Mostly there is a lot of judgement about how wrong it is that they died.  What if it’s not wrong?  

What can you be and do different today to be an invitation to a totally different possibility?  What reality would you like to create?  Do you want to continue the same reality that most people have?  Or would you like something different?

And if it is something different – What are you willing to be that would be that different?  It doesn’t have to be something huge.  The subtlest things can create the biggest changes.  Here’s an example from a client:

“I remember when my dog was dying and I would come and visit you with the dog, and it was amazing for me, because I had never had anyone put in my universe that it was even possible to have the points of view you did.  That was the first time I had ever seen it.

So for me, even though I was still sad, I just knew it was all going to be okay.  And that was really different because, until then, there had been quite a lot of trauma and drama and I would say resistance and refusal in my family about death.  It was almost like it didn’t exist.  

I’m so grateful that you showed me there was a different reality.  Because you had so much ease with me and with my dog, it gave us both something totally different.  What you were doing with me was not complicated.  You were just being you and showing me a different energy.  That was all.  And when I say that was all, it was major for me and probably tiny for you, because it was just normal for you.”

Is it really possible?  YES!  It is possible to have something going on, and also live your life at the same time.  People think that these things have to be draining.  But what if they don’t?  What if actually they can be a contribution?  What contribution can this be, that could actually change everything?

Even though they might not be physically right here next to you, energetically there is still a relationship there. What contribution are you willing to receive with ease? I know when my Dad died and just before he died, I received such a contribution.  He gifted me such a contribution and it continues.  And my Mum is still gifting me such contributions of awareness too.  How much more ease can you choose?

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